By Kelvin Ugwu on 25th May, 2018

It was on a Sunday evening few years ago when I was still in Abuja. I was just relaxing on my own o jejely. One of my friends like that, after her Charismatic prayer meeting decided to stop by to greet me. From greetings, the discussion entered into whom to marry and whom not to marry.

“Father, pray for me, I don’t want to marry any of these Charismatic men o.”

The way she said it, I knew she was not joking. But sha, inside my mind I was like “meahn, which crime charismatic men don commit again?”

“Why you no wan marry any of them na; are their men too handsome for you?”

I managed to ask to see whether she go throw more light.

“Not so much about their men sha, just that I don’t want to have a Charismatic wedding, and to marry a Charismatic man, na automatic Charismatic wedding be that?”

Shuuu!!! Charismatic mah don get wedding? I whispered the surprise to myself.

“Which one is Charismatic wedding again?” I asked.

“For Charismatic wedding, the man and the woman are not allowed to even walk together before the wedding, talk-less of even touching touching. On the wedding day, you are not allowed to invite any DJ unless say the DJ will be playing Akanchawa songs only. No sharing of alcoholic drink o. Alcohol no be for born again. Even if you quote where Jesus turn water into wine for the couple in Cana, they will say . . . this is not Cana, and besides who even tell you say the wine in Cana na alcoholic?”

“hmmmmm” I was just listening like one teenager who just fell in love for the first time and could not have enough of the lover’s words.

She continued, “That is not even what is worrying me in the whole thing. Can you imagine, the bride is not allowed to do make-up. Ordinary lipstick, mbanu! Ordinary blushing and contour, mbanu! Ordinary jerry curl, mbanu! How? Maka why? My special day again? Not me biko??? How can I not make-up???

“You see this thing about make-up, I don’t know how you girls use to look at it o? Personally for me o, I don’t like make up. ..” I managed to chip in, but she did not even allow me to finish.

“We are counting people, you are also counting yourself. You be Fada na, why you go like make up? You no even suppose to like make-up.”

Walahi, I could not help but laugh. That type of laughter in which you really do not even know why you are laughing.

“But let face the truth. How many guys really like their girls to make-up? When I say really, I mean, how many guys will prefer the make-up to the natural looks. Forget all the compliments, all na wash!”

“Point of correction, with all due respect, girls don’t makeup because of men. Girls just makeup to look good.” She fired back.

I have officiated a wedding and the make-up was ehn! I don’t even know. The girl looked so beautiful quite alright. But if am to say the truth, with all due respect, she looks more like her face was used as a canvas for the artist to draw on. She looks like a piece of art work that ought to be put for exhibition. Her maid of honor fanned her all through to prevent some of the colours from dissolving on her face. When it was time for the groom to kiss the bride, the man was looking for any space freed of colours. Hmmmmm! After the kissing. . .

You still want me to tell you what happened to the man’s lips and white shirt??? Amebo people!

I even heard it is expensive to employ the services of a makeup artist.

Okay enough, now remove your mind from wedding make-ups, and let us talk.

Anytime you cannot walk around your neighborhood without make up, you are addicted. Anytime you go to church for mass/services and after the prayers, you stylishly slide into a corner with small mirror or car mirror for makeup just to go home, you are addicted. Don’t even argue that. Anytime you forget your makeup kit at home and after work you had to borrow from a colleague so you could makeup before going home, you are addicted.

Hate those addicted to codeine. Hate those addicted to marijuana or alcohol . . . all of una dey the same boat.

Do you know why?

You don’t makeup for men, but you make up for self confidence. Without makeup you feel there is something incomplete. That is how alcoholic or smokers feel too. They need something to boast their morale (another word for morale is self-confidence).

Anyway, what did I know sef? A friend of mine sent me this picture of Meghan the royal bride, it made my day sha. The Association of Nigeria Makeup Artists and Makeup Addicts had a protest . . . we no go gree o, we no go gree!!! The royal bride must makeup. Finally the result of the protest is what you see below.

Let me come and be going. This is not my post o. someone hank, abi na ank, into my haccount.

Before I forget, I did not say you should not makeup o. How is it even my problem? Amebo will not kee me.


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